31st Oct, 2010 12:45 p.m.: I am laying on my single sized bed in my little rented room at Bhubaneswar and thinking about the uncertainty of my future. Lots of unwanted past experiences are flashing in my mind. Those are the things which I will never able to forget but it’s true I don’t want to remember them either. But still they have a huge presence in my daily life. I always believe that one shouldn’t forget his/her failure because from my childhood days mom always quotes the proverb “Failure is the pillar of Success”. As a result of this, these words has an ever lasting impression on my soul but believe me it is not always good to remember all of your past activities. Sometimes it becomes unbearable for you to carry all these things with you as you are unable to share your emotions with others. It is not always easy to share everything with your dear ones as there are things which you always want to keep among yourselves only. Those things you can’t write on blogs, can’t discuss it with your friends, can’t share with your girlfriends but can only hope that one-day everything will turn right and you don’t have to repent for those past activities. It takes a huge toll on your life but I am hoping that it will make me a stronger and confident human being.
“Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.”
This is the first time I am staring my blog with a quotation. I am feeling that with the passing of time I am becoming very possessive with everything around me. This is not a hidden secret that I am possessive with my mother. I don’t have any siblings to share the greatest gift in this world to share with. So, it is quite natural that I am possessive with her and don’t want to share her love and affections with anybody. It may seem weird that I don’t want to share her cooked food with anyone. This possession is increasing day by day due to my stay outside home.
But I am feeling that I am becoming possessive with other things. I am becoming possessive with my friends also. Whenever a situation arises to share their friendships, somewhere deep inside me I am feeling a pain. This is quite unnatural. My friends are also friends of other. And friendship always teaches us to share but why I am falling to learn it? My brain is instructing me to share and to feel good but my heart is not responding to this call. Why? One of the root causes for this situation may be that being brought up in a nuclear family I never come across any situation where I need to share something with others. This may play a havoc role behind this situation of my life. I am trying my best to get rid of it but I am failing miserably.
I am going through a very strained relationship. Don’t know what lies in the future.
