Life is really something which I still not able to discover. How can the life be so cruel,brutal to me? Is this because I am not good? Really, I am not good to deserve anything from any body. I am good for nothing. I have lost everything in my life. In just a matter of 24hours, every thing has changed in my life so drastically that I am not still able to coup up with it. Why I believe those people for whom I am just good for nothing? Otherwise how they can do this kind of behavior with me? May be I expect a lot from my closed ones but don't I have the rites to do that? Yes, I admit that I do lot of things in hurray and without even think about its consequences but is that true every time I am wrong? How can this possible? I am really in disarray to think about any of my future relationships. Can I able to regain the trust that is required to continue any relationship? I cannot answer this question at this point of time. I don't even know how this things always happen in my life? May be this also happens in others life but may be they are strong enough to coup up with it. May be I am not. Why? I don't have the answer. But can anybody please clarify me why I should not speak straight to my closed ones if they any do anything wrong? May be they will get hurt due to this? But will they really get hurt? If they really care for me they will not do the same thing repeatedly. Right? But still they do this repeatedly. I think this is not their fault. The fault is mine as they have chosen me in some position of which I am not worthy enough.
This blog is not related to my love life. This blog is for somebody who is more than any other thing in my life except my mother. Today i cannot write anything more and even can not disclose what has happened in my life.
So,please forgive me...plz ...plz...plz.....
Sometimes you arrive at a critical juncture of your life when you try to look back at your past. The mistakes that you have made while making your way to this point. Those never-fading memories which will always remain with you. I am feeling that I have reached such a juncture. The time is set for me to dip down to my past memories, may be some of them will not be as glorious as others. They are not tailor-made memories and that's why they have played a pivotal role in shaping my life to become a responsible human being.
Time is not far away before I am going to start my career as a software engineer. But is this profession I dreamt when I wrote an essay 'Your Ambition in Life' in my school days? No, is the answer because at that time I didn't had the capacity (or the free-hand, what ever you think) to portray my inner feelings. Going with the thoughts of my mother I wrote 'I want to become a Doctor'. This may be due to the fact that my mother had an ambition to practice medicine in her career or she just wanted me to score good marks in the writing? I cannot clear the confusion at this time because I have neither guts nor intentions to ask this type of 'Sach Ka Samne' question to my beloved mother.
School days passed by writing answers prepared by mother, solving maths by implementing techniques taught by her, playing football and cricket in past time, doing all sorts of racing's with cycle and falling in a love. Madhyamik came and I cleared it. Father took me to employment exchange to issue a card against my name. Thus, I became eligible to do a job though I latter came to know passing Class VII was also worthy of getting a clerical job. Do you feel vomiting tutor's notes, solving problems with techniques acquired from others had I learnt anything at that time? I don't have the answer may be you all have.
Madyamik examination result and parents decision made me to take science stream. No body never bothered to ask me which subject I like to read or on which field I want to build my career? Whom I can blame? The examination system? Or the parents? The examination system gave me marks which made worthy of joining science stream. And what's the procedure for that by taking exams on eight various subjects and no one can gurantee if those answer scripts were evaluated by other invigilators there will be a great difference of marks obtained by me. And banking on those marks parents admitted me in science stream. Do they took that decision only just banking on my marks or do they really know me?
After that higher secondary came. That examination had no value at that time. Confused? Yes, because JEE is far more important than HS for science students. Because cracking JEE will help you to become doctors and engineers and you will become cream of the society. You will reach the topmost height of the society and due to this parents will forget to ask you 'Do you really want to sit for JEE or not?' Here also you cannot blame them because it is a cat and mouse race.
Here also an in-transparent examination system will decide whether you will be an engineer, doctor or others. After you completed your graduation, then only you have the power to decide what next? And at that tie you can realize how HS and Madhyamaik examinations were important in your life. But at those exam times you have no power to decide? It is the examination system which decides your career. Not you and me. Yes, parents are responsible to certain extent but what else they can do?
May be I am lucky enough to get my favorite stream or course. Are all of us in India are lucky enough? Is this examination system worthy enough to decide our career? And reaching this juncture of my life I cannot rewind back and start altogether from scratch. So, we have to accept this. This is the fate. Yes, it is true the career I am going to start, I really love it but who can guarantee me that a slight change in marks in any of my examination will deviate my life in some other direction?
